That was unbelievable, first off. Everybody involved, hats off. I’ve been in tears the whole last day just watching the clips and everything.
I wasn’t able to actually watch it live, but watching it live, but I commend everybody because nobody seemed to get their feelings hurt. It just looked like everybody was having fun with it.
But at the same time, man, that had me rolling because of how everybody was going at each other’s necks. People were going at it. It was pure entertainment and I’m really happy they did it.
But I do not want, I don’t, I just do not get the roasts. I don’t understand why people do them. Like, because it’s comedy? Maybe I take myself too seriously, though. Listen, I’m in on all of it. Nikki Glaser killed it. Yeah, she killed it.
Listen, it was star-studded. Jeff Ross rocks it every time. The best part about it was how many iconic NFL celebrities, and like, celebrities of immense stature were there. Not to mention, just the entire Patriots dynasty showed up for Tom. Yeah, that was so cool, man. All of them together, I mean, that was the coolest part about it.
That being said, I really don’t get it. I don’t get why people do roasts. I don’t get why they’re a thing. Yeah, my family’s ruined. It’s so funny, everyone’s laughing, it’s great, yeah, we’re all having fun, right? I will say this, man, all the football guys that got up there and cut it loose, Edelman, Gronk, Tom, talking to Goodell about the deflategate, and how there was just, yeah, he probably did, he probably knew about it. And talked about how the NFL spent like millions, I think like 20 million, 30 million.
He’s like, you would have just given that money to me, I’d have told you I knew it was was so good, dude. Tom was a good sport about it, knowing that he was taking some aggressive strays, man. Yeah, I guess who would you, let’s say, in this hypothetical world that we agreed to do something, um, as ridiculous as a roast, who would you want to roast you, dude? Well, Santino’s one of my favorite comedians of all time and I think he would deliver. Dave Chappelle is the all-time great. Kevin Hart, I would love Kevin to go up there and just rip me in half.
TI, I knew it was coming when he went up there, I was like, okay, this is where it gets hot, boys. I’m like, Kevin is about to go crazy. Basically, all my favorite comedians. I met Jeff Ross out in LA, one of the comedy stores out there, and he, um, he actually hosts roast battles between comics and I was able to kind of be a part of and judge one of them and had a blast with him. So it’d be an honor to get roasted by Jeff. But yeah, maybe that day will come. I guess if I, it won’t, if I was picking who to roast me, I would pick people that, like, I would have no problem getting into a fistfight with, like family members. Like, you know, dad roast me but I’m gonna beat the out of dad when the camera turns off.
Like, you just see me and Jason, I’m running from Jason, like Tom and Jerry after just like goddamn, it was okay, we’re just having fun, nice. You gotta have Big Ed up there, take a few strays at me, am I saying that right, strays? I don’t know why, I don’t know why that’s my vocab for it, but no, it’s good, it’s all good, cut off strays. Which teammates would be good at roasting? Lane Johnson would be great at it, Pat probably has some good ones, he probably figured some good ones out. Trying to think of who else would be good. I bet Slay would be pretty good at roasting, I don’t know why but I feel like he’s got that moxie to him. Yeah, I don’t know who else
I feel like Andy would be a good roaster, I don’t think Andy would take it there though, you know, me. That’s why, yeah, he would say something that would be hilarious but it wouldn’t be like that offensive. Yeah, it wouldn’t pierce your soul like 90% of the jokes last night. I just, yeah, whatever, dude. Don’t get back into it, just let it go. Like, why are we inviting, I just, oh man.
I get when it’s like your friends and like close people but like when it’s just like random celebrities up there and they, yeah. Nikki Glaser’s hilarious. If I did a roast, I would, you would have to get Nikki up there. Tom also lost 30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gruden was like, me, know that’s not real money. Jesus, yeah, it’s good, it’s a great joke. Goddamn, 30 mil is crazy. I mean, he probably got it all back, crypto back up though.
Probably why he did the crypto back up. Just instantly, Netflix gave him his 30 mil back. All right, take it back, I’ll do a roast. Would you guys pay? Time, yeah. That’s pretty good. The one person I wouldn’t allow on the stage is Kylie, she has way too much. I can’t, she knows too much. Can’t allow that. Can’t allow Kiana to go up there and torch you. I mean, every day I’m getting roasted by Kylie, I don’t need her to go up on stage and do that. And that’s what I’m saying, like, it’s almost like an honor to get, like, I don’t want to say like on, yeah, just on, but if you’re open to it, just go online, you can get roasted.
Like a lot of these jokes have already been, I’m already getting roasted, I guess. Yeah, just look in the comments, that’ll help you. I don’t get it, I don’t know, yeah, some things I just don’t get. I do and it’s fun. And that does it for No Dumb Questions brought to you by Tommy John Underwear. Get you some Tommy John, get in the right size because you don’t want to get two scrunched together, get in the right size.